I feel like I’m still having a hard time determining the direction I take with this blog. Do I want to chronicle my adventures? Do I want to share some insight as to the things that go on in my mind? Do I get personal…? Although I don’t work and I haven’t done any of my planned Workaway opportunities yet, I’m busy, and traveling is exhausting! I haven’t had time to sit and update my blog, and in China, the Internet is fairly spotty. Simply writing a post on Facebook is time consuming.
A while back, I wrote a post about letting go. It was in regards to leaving my physical belongings behind. For some reason, as the time neared for me to leave, it was easy to do- for the most part. But, it’s been some of the emotional stuff that I’ve chosen to hold onto. I use the word chosen because I really feel it was a choice. The catalyst for this big, life changing decision was because of someone I met last year. I knew he’d be stationed in Korea and I asked myself why we kept in touch to the extent that we did. Instead of letting things fade away, I woke up one morning driven to find a way to make things work and to get to know him better. I thought and thought and this idea was born. Initially, I’d considered heading out for 6-8 months, traveling from Korea to other countries in Southeast Asia, but things took a turn on my visit to Seoul in February. After using every hour I’d saved up from work and flying halfway across the globe, he said the “fireworks just aren’t there anymore.” It was a punch to the gut and I’m not going to lie, I was pretty disappointed. My first instinct was to go home, but that’s not really what I wanted. I wanted to travel. I knew the risk I was taking when I went in the first place and I was already there, so why not? I decided to go to Thailand, and after a few more days in Seoul, that’s what I did. And I loved it. Although it was just a week, it gave me a taste of what I’d been planning on doing. It confirmed my decision to quit my job, but now, it would just be me, nobody in the middle, no reason to go back. Plans changed, the possibilities became endless, but on the inside, I was hurt, and I wouldn’t let it go.
While I grew accustomed to the idea of being alone again, I still held on to that person I met last year, my catalyst for change. I couldn’t, and didn’t want to open up to anybody else. In time, I realized I kept him close as a reminder to not put myself out there anymore. I didn’t want to be in a position to get hurt again. Additionally, I didn’t want anyone getting in the way of my epic plans! But something inside of me wasn’t right. I knew from past experiences I had to let go but this time, it was different and I felt like I didn’t know how.
When I left Seoul, I left behind an emerald ring that I’d grown to love so much. It was such a beautiful gem and the color, to me, was perfect. Nobody had ever given me anything so nice, but I felt like I didn’t need the reminder of where it came from. I missed it though. I contemplated asking for it back but I hesitated. Eventually, I did, in the hopes that if I had it back, I could have it serve as a reminder for the positive, my new journey. I told myself when I got it, I had to make a conscious decision to let go of the emotional baggage I was carrying. Wake up and say, “Ok, I’m over it!” Coincidentally, or as fate my have it, my ring arrived in the mail on the day I let go of the biggest thing I ever owned- my house. I opened the package, read the letter, and said “It’s time.”
I wear it everyday now, besides, I have nowhere else to keep it but on my finger. And I wear a pearl, because the world is my oyster. And just like that, I let go. Everyday is a new day, and every day brings a new adventure. Without that serendipitous meeting last year, this crazy Asian adventure of mine may never have started, not for a while anyway. So, like they say, when one door closes, another one opens!